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One day, I was quietly reading a book while sitting with my family.
"Do you know how disrespectful it is to be reading a book while you are in the company of people?" my aunt asked me.
I quietly put the book down and tuned in to a conversation that I was not interested in.
Another time, I watched as two adults talked to each other. Not wanting to be rude by interrupting the conversation, I waved and walked by.
"Do you know how disrespectful it is not to greet your elders?" one of them asked me.
Not greeting is rude, but interrupting a conversation is also rude. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, okay?
I We all disrespect people despite it not being our intention.
Perhaps it was a joke you made that was perceived to be inconsiderate.
Maybe it was something that you said very innocently that was offensive to people.
You could have said something to try and help someone, yet they labelled you as judgemental.
It is like baking a cake.
The base is everything we agree on, morality, to treat each other as we want to be treated. To be kind, to be humane.
Then, the icing, decorations, candles and sprinkles of the cake are societal rules and norms. They differ from person to person or group to group. They're not unimportant, they usually make the cake better, but not always.
These societal rules and norms, could be rules that you were taught at home about how to act. Well, someone else has been taught different rules in their house about how to act.
One person is taught to call an adult 'Ma' or 'Pa', another is taught that it's okay to call them by their names.
One person is taught to give people privacy during bad times, while another is taught to be present.
All I'm trying to say is:
Each person is so different, and we do things in different ways. We perceive things differently and using different lenses. We look at one picture and it from different perspectives.
Although there are core values (Cake Base values) that are very real, I think we should try to not get offended by Icing values. If it bothers you that much, then you could ask someone to do it differently, or teach them, because maybe they/we were never taught.
Everything we say is viewed through a magnifying glass looking for every flaw and counter-argument to it.
So, I will return to the cliché :
Think before you speak.
But also,
Think before you react.
Before we jump to conclusions ( make ASSUMPTIONS), we could ask someone to explain or re-explain the intended meaning behind a statement. Then, after clarification, talk about different views.
It's always a process. No one is perfect. We all feel disrespected sometimes, and disrespect others.
"Don't pay attention to everything people say- you may hear your servant insulting you, and you know yourself that you have insulted other people many times." - Ecclesiastes 7:21
With love love love
YANA
Cover picture by Adam Jewell:
https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/3/getting-offended-black-and-white-adam-jewell.jpg