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Things are not always as they seem.
Personally, I think most of us have been conditioned to assume things and to judge. However, I also think it is a habit that we can constantly try to oppose.
The google dictionary defines an 'Assumption' as a thing that is accepted as true or certain without proof.
Therefore, I have started trying to think in grey, instead of black and white. Here are the steps I follow (This comes from a psychological trick, I forgot the name.):
Step 1: An automatic assumption/judgement comes to my mind.
Step 2: Acknowledge it.
Step 3: Think of reasons that disprove that judgement.
Example 1:
You sent a text to someone you liked, and they didn't respond.
Step 1 (Assumption): This person does not like me.
Step 2: Acknowledge the assumption that was made.
Step 3: Or... this person is super busy right now. / This person isn't very good at talking on social media, etc.
Example 2:
I keep calling Suzan and she doesn't answer my phone call even though she's online.
Step 1: She's purposefully ignoring my calls, she does not like me.
Step 2: Acknowledge the assumption.
Step 3: OR... she left her phone in another room and simply didn't log off. / She fell asleep.
Example 3:
I waved at Ndlovu at the store today and he didn't wave back.
Step 1: He's ignoring me. I wonder what I did wrong.
Step 2: Acknowledge that you have made this assumption. This is an opportunity to shift from the 'black and white ' thinking to grey.
Step 3: Ndlovu was daydreaming and did not see me. /Ndlovu forgot his spectacles at home!
Example 4:
Jane is wearing a short skirt.
Step 1 (Assumption): She is trying to get attention.
Step 2: Acknowledge the assumption.
Step 3 (challenge it): She really likes the skirt./ Today is the first time Jane is trying to be more confident, she usually wears sweatpants to hide. She is doing this for herself, not for other people.
We will never be perfect at this, and judgements will still come. However, as long as one tries, that is what matters.
Stay kind to yourself.
Oh well, that's just one piece of advice. We won't be perfect at it, but it is worth a try.
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