Lesson 3 - You Must Forgive Yourself

Love is an action.

Love is patient and kind,

Love is not jealous, or conceited or proud.

Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs,

Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth.

Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never fail.”

-1 Corinthians verses 1 to 7

Now, why would you extend this sort of forgiveness to others but not yourself?

God forgives you, you forgive yourself, and you forgive others.

I am definitely struggling with this because I ponder so much on my regrets. It seems as if the moment I want to go sleep, all my regrets and mistakes come flooding into my mind.

Why? Because I wonder how people saw me at that moment.

It is a form of insecurity, a fear of judgement.

The battle then arises regarding how people see you and how God sees you.

I have to accept that I live for an audience of one, and that's God.

Honestly speaking, I am terrible at forgiving myself and continue to live with regrets for things I have done and said to people in the past. I continue to punish myself and ask, "Why did I do that?"

I continue to ruminate most days. Ruminating is when one excessively thinks about something for a long time, and usually in a negative manner. Ironically enough, it also describes an animal that chews the cud. According to Wikipedia, this is when partly digested food returns to the mouth and is chewed again.

I think that's what rumination and not forgiving yourself looks like. One keeps bringing up past mistakes again and again, and it's not healthy!

What does pondering on my mistakes help me, or anyone else?"

A little bit of guilt for making a mistake is not a bad thing, it means my conscious works. One repents, accepts God's forgiveness, takes the lesson as the testimony and carries on, forgiving others just as one has been forgiven.

However, to ponder on the past does not help. It is a disservice to yourself and to everyone around you.

Move on. And then forgive other people. You know how bad it feels to hold a grudge against yourself, don't do it to other people.

Forgiveness is a process, and I've harboured many grudges against myself and other people.

But guys, life consists of progress, forgiveness is a process, and God is very patient. We learn to cast all these burdens onto Him because He cares for us, deeply.

Guess I have to learn to relax a bit and understand that God's got this.

Lots and lots of love to every one of you!

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