Insert 4: What if it isn't the right time?

This idea has been in my heart for more than 2 years now. It makes sense, both logically, and spiritually, but my emotional side seems to be lagging.

It has been revealed to me over the last few weeks that I have low self-esteem. After that, I stumbled upon a video where a woman was conveying that a haircut may not be for everyone and that maybe, one should not cut too short, so you can plait again if you really don’t like it. Am I doing too much in one go? Am I trying to change myself too fast? Should I wait a bit longer? How will long will I have to wait then?

What if I don’t like it? I pondered upon that question. Personally, that would mean that I don’t like myself! That would reveal that I do not think that I am beautiful, and I'd need to accept that.

I told my friend, ‘We were born bald. If I don't like myself bald, it means I never did, because when I am bald, my face is fully exposed. ‘

But, I’m scared.

My biggest fear is that insecurity and self-consciousness will increase when I cut my hair. I fear that I will hate it so much that I will be afraid to walk out of the hair salon. I fear that I will be too scared to step onto campus, too scared to walk into venues to write exams. I'm scared that I will constantly want to stay in my room and never go out. I’m scared that I will regret it, that instead of this haircut being a path to bringing my true self out, I’ll stay cooped up inside my shell. Will I even be able to look at myself in the mirror?

But what if this ends it all?

What if the shaved hair symbolises all my insecurity leaving? What if God uses this to bring a change within me that will propel me to greater heights? What if this marks a new freedom, a breaking away from people pleasing and the world’s opinion? What if this is it? What if this is the one step of obedience I need to take for beautiful things to happen?

I have no idea what is going to happen. This is a leap of faith and I’m simply going through with this decision because of how clearly God confirmed it for me, He will surely not let me down. It is the right decision, I know.

Signing off

Comment question:

Do you think there is a wrong or right time to step out in bravery? Do you believe there is a right or wrong time to take a risk or step out in faith? Comment down below!