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For this interview, I was joined by the founder of the Community of YANA, Mariam.
Although she was unsure about what she wanted to study after high school, she had reasonable expectations. She was a high achieving academic. Unfortunately, when she got her results, she was not accepted to the universities she applied to and this left her disappointed and feeling like she was stuck in a pit. Follow along to hear what happened and what lessons she learnt along the way.
Dealing with the Plot Twist
Mariam decided to study something completely different to what she had anticipated in high school. Although she wasn't really into it during the first year, she decided to consciously start enjoying it. You may be studying something you didn't initially want to. But now that you're doing it, make the most of it. I believe that God does not let anything go to waste. Whatever you learn now, even if it's not your big dream, this knowledge will aid you in future endeavours.
The poison of Comparison
Whilst other friends are getting accepted and going onto universities, you may sit unsure of what the future holds. After multiple rejections, you feel dejected. Remember that society has set a timeline: This is when you should study, this is when you should marry, have children, build a house or buy a car. This is unrealistic. Each person has a different journey, purpose and calling and therefore, each person has a different timeline. Each being's character develops differently to prepare one for a life and calling that is different to friends, and that's okay. Try to not compare yourself to your friends. Sometimes, a setback is a catapult in disguise about to launch you far.
Carrying the weight of Expectation
As a high-achieving academic, different people have certain expectations of your matric results. This includes parents, other family members and teachers. When you feel like you have not met those expectations, you carry the weight of your own disappointment and the disappointment of others. Try to let that go. It may be difficult to do so, but you don't need to be carrying the additional weight on your shoulders. Remember that this is your life. What you do next is up to you. Try not to make choices simply to appease your family, the only person who lives with those choices is you. When they are long gone, you bear the pain of regret. Take it step-by-step. There's goodness ahead.
Academics and Identity
I have observed and experienced the high achiever's high school experience. Sometimes, it becomes toxic. Sometimes, the high marks, awards and trophies are what you learn to recognise yourself by, it happened to me. The stage at the prize-giving event is where you feel valued. Then, it gets taken away. You go to university and usually, marks drop. Even if you still achieve, there aren't trophies given if you get over 70 or something, and no medals for 'dedication'. So I had to ask Mariam what advice she would give to academics regarding how to not make academics their entire identity.
Do other things. Invest in friendships and relationships. This is so true. As holistic human beings, we have physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. We have different talents, skills and abilities. To conflate it all to just ' the academic' is unfortunate. Academics is not all you are. Mariam advises that during study breaks, go meet up with friends. When academics get rough, these are the friends who will be there for you. Do you like writing, reading, painting or playing chess? Go sharpen up your skills there too!
Rising Again
The key, as Mariam conveys, is to allow yourself to feel the emotion for a while. Feel it, grapple with it and accept it, but don't stay there for too long. This is your life and you decide how it goes next. Stand up, rise and don't allow this disappointment to keep you down forever.
I'd like to thank our founder, Mariam, for giving me her time and insight into these issues and telling her story.
Listen to her story by clicking the following link:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/62bxef9hveDWyhKh5Dp6rJ?si=jBPx1vKuR8W6aEm_kbZFRg&utm_source=whatsapp